#001 - Why I'm Writing
"I've put this off for far too long." - Bilbo Baggins
I’m Writing Because “I’ve” Never Existed
Anyone that’s done any soul searching will have come across the truths of what our inner wounds do to us as adults. Our entire personality is shaped by the decisions of our parents, and their parents before them. If you ignore that journey, you are ignoring your true self. And if you ignore your true self, you live as a false self.
That’s my modern summary of a hundred years of psycho-analysis from Carl Jung to John Bradshaw.
For many years I’ve lived as a false self. Searching for attention and acceptance through achievement to build a superficial defense around a non-existent ego (“I”). Hard truth to face for sure. Reality is hard.
It took many years of soul-searching, acceptance, and prayer, and I’m at the point where I’m rebuilding my “true self” after unlearning the “false self” who still hangs around and wants attention. I should name him. He’s always there.
If you get it, you get it. And if so, you’re probably still reading. And you know how totally exhausting it is to live for the approval of others. It manifests into creating your own perfect model persona every day, “I’m supposed to be happy,” or “I’m supposed to be smart,” and “I’m supposed to be successful and act this or that way.” This daily effort made me totally twisted into a fake person.
Escaping this false reality takes courage and drastic corrective actions to create a new reality, in line with your true self. For some, it’s not a “get back on track” exercise because there never was a track. We were born into chaos, and never had a track. As a puppet of other’s expectations my entire life, I was not courageous enough to face the darkness of solitude, to explore my inner emptiness and discover who I really was.
In short, I’ve never existed. I was a pawn in other people’s dramas. As the saying goes, “sorry I can’t remember my childhood, I wasn’t there at the time.” If you know, you know.
After finding the courage to face this painful reality, I’m moving forward, unafraid of what my false self thinks. It takes courage to face reality. The temptation of escaping by scrolling on Instagram and LinkedIn for hours is real. I’m still not totally facing reality most days and I often want to check out and daydream.
So that’s why I’m doing this. To face reality. To create it. To exist. To arrive at my point of view, instead of regurgitating someone else’s. It’s time to create reality. And I invite you in for the ride.
First Mission: (Actually) Creating
As a result of the reality I just shared, I generally suck at creating. Just this week I was given professional feedback that has been consistent throughout my career and life. “Dane, you need to establish a point of view. You need to better express it and defend it.” That’s one manifestation — the lack of an ability to create a point of view.
When I was a kid, I remember I wanted to be an artist. But I could only copy the drawings of others. I would copy Marvel comic book characters perfectly. But I would rarely find the courage to imagine my own artwork. One observer remarked as I was drawing the character The Thing, “Dane, one day maybe you’ll draw your own stuff.” And I never forgot those words. That’s been my goal my whole life, to create my own stuff. Writing is a big part of that.
I didn’t just wake up this morning and arrive at wanting to be a writer. I’ve actually been writing my whole life. I won a prize for it in high school. A teacher once told me, “you’re a good writer.” I even found a handwritten story called “Ahmal and His Lost Frog” in an old box from grammar school. The signs were always there. However, similar to my experience with copying drawings, my writing has been mostly a reflection of the reality of others, not my own. It’s time to change that.
And that will require courage. It’s already taken me years of stepping into growth groups, developing emotions, and searching “inward” (life’s longest journey). Like for many of us, this journey has been hard. We don’t just unfreeze a life of frozen underlying emotions. Thawing out takes years.
Yes, I’m afraid of other people not liking my writing. I have a deep desire to be accepted. I don’t want to make waves as the youngest sibling. All survival mechanisms of what John Bradshaw nicknamed the “Lost Child” archetype in his life-changing book Homecoming.
As I have gotten older, I’ve realized writing is now non-negotiable. I might manifest my creativity in other ways in the future (like creating songs, art, or crafts) but writing is where I’m at today.
What will I write about? I think limits are unnecessary and will hinder my creativity. But some ideas I have right now include;
I am writing a book called Courage in the Current, which imagines the life of a trout named Platte, who lives in Cheesman Canyon (one of my favorite places on earth). This book is nearly drafted, and I simply can’t wait to begin publishing it. I don’t know if Amazon print or Substack is the right delivery vehicle yet. We’ll see.
The Reality of the Cybersecurity Industry - I can’t ignore the fact that I spent 13 years working in Cyber. I want to share what I’ve learned. I published a book called Through the Cyber Maze in 2025 to describe my roller coaster ride through the industry. However, I think I might dive in more, to explore where the industry is and where it’s headed.
A Couple’s Guide to Exploring All 63 US National Parks - my wife and I are planning to visit the “final 2” national parks in the United States this year. This will be quite an “achievement” but I need to be careful. I can’t make this about “achieving”. It’s much more than that for us. The journeys we took together have really been instrumental in our relationship, in understanding nature, and in appreciating the beauty of God’s creation.
The Guide to Fly Fishing in Colorado - I have spent many quiet hours on the solitude searching for trout (and peace) on the tranquil rivers of Colorado. Fly fishing has taken me 6 years to even start to understand, and I suspect I won’t be a master of it until I’m too old to cast. I’d like to share guides even if they get a bit technical and nuanced.
The Reality of the Soul - how can you face and change your inner reality by investing the time and energy to look inward, find faith, and battle your inner demons. This is where I’d like to focus on the science of the soul (= psychology) and spiritual realities of Christianity, which has been a major force in my entire life and I don’t want to hide that any longer.
Creating Digital Products with AI - I have absolutely loved learning how to use tools like Cursor, setting up an AI supercomputer with a DGX Spark, building a local AI Assistant to keep your data safe, and using Canva, Vercel and other tools to create digital products. I would like to share these practical tips with you so you can create yours too.
Creating Wealth Through Wise Investing - Investment management has been a big learning area for me over the past decade or so. I’d like to share tips and tricks to smart capital allocation, wise investing, and personal economics.
Leading Quietly in the Workplace - I’ve spent nearly 18 years in corporate environments and I’d like to share how you can be valuable in the AI era, through time management, productivity, meeting management, managing upward, managing others, and leadership techniques.
Creating Future Narratives - I am very interested in the use of AI for creating narratives, especially for inventing future markets and predicting outcomes with future narratives. I built a product called Narrly AI that generates these narratives, so I will publish examples from time to time to spark discussion about potential futures such as “the future of flying cars” and other topics.
Revisiting Chinese Language and Culture - I am totally fascinated by China. I lived there for six years, and want to revisit my learnings from that experience, and share more about Chinese language and cultural realities.
That’s where I’m at for now…
Let’s Create Reality
I invite you to subscribe to my writing if you want to “create reality” with me. What does “create reality” even mean? I’m still not sure it even makes sense. But these are the two words that most describe my mission.
Create = why I now wake up every day. Whether it’s writing here or creating narratives for my day job or creating apps with AI. I am constantly creating so I’ll be writing about those experiences.
Reality = the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual limits within which I must create. So understanding reality is essential for creativity.
The result = Create Reality. When I create, I have a chance to impact reality instead of escaping by living in the false self. It will take courage. And in the process, perhaps I can impact your reality, and inspire you to create your own new reality.
Disclaimer: No AI was used in writing this. Honestly.